Foot in Mouth Disease

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Kathy and I talked until about midnight then I tossed and turned until about 1:30 slept for a couple hours then tossed and turned until it was pretty much time for me to get up for work. I don’t know why, there wasn’t a full moon, I hadn’t had an espresso before I went to bed, nor did I take any Sudafed, I just couldn’t sleep. So my day didn’t start out very well, but that wasn’t the worst part of the start of my day. Now my pride needed some stroking because although I didn’t sleep I deserve to have a good night sleep (yeah right) and in the process of trying to drum up the sympathy from Kathy I said, “I stayed awake for while after you stopped talking” and as soon as I said it I wanted it back. Whatever happened to “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs”? Words, unlike a cup of coffee can’t be taken back. What I was thinking in my head was that Kathy was so tired last night that she fell asleep in the middle of a thought and so she just “stopped talking”. But she can’t read my mind and had no idea what I was really saying she just knows what I said that I didn’t value her enough to want to listen to her and it was a dagger into her spirit. Now I immediately apologized and while that may remove the dagger, it doesn’t heal the wound. The dagger may be removed but the result, the consequence of it is still there, the hurt, the shame are still there. Being burdened by the weight of my sin, knowing that I hurt her, made my day start worse than not sleeping well, not having any coffee, or the worse kind of bad traffic, yet Kathy is the best thing that God could have ever given me. Just before I walked out the door, I gave her a kiss, and she held on to me and hugged me in such an intimate, caring, compassionate, grace filled, forgiving embrace that my burden melted away and my love for her grew even more. Now I don’t know if the wound is healed, only time will tell. I just know that Christ’s grace overflows from my wife and I desperately don’t want to wound her again.