Important or Unimportant Tragedy?

Today I’m gonna vent a little bit and pray that I don’t sound bitter and come across as judgmental. This morning in listening for the traffic report as I sat on Bandara with the steady red glow of break lights in front of me as far as I could see, the “teaser” for a big story here in San Antonio was “A Former MacArthur football player killed”. When the story came on, the reporter focused on the former MacArthur football connection as if that made it more of a tragedy. Now I will be the first to tell you that yes it is a tragedy, but what makes any more tragic that the homeless person that was killed last week? We tend to esteem certain social/cultural statuses more than others as if by identifying with them we become more significant. It seems as if we are so focused on ourselves and setting ourselves apart in our search for meaning in this world that deep down we don’t really care about anybody else but ourselves. There are fires out of control in San Diego were thousands of homes have been destroyed, so what do we report on, not the need of the people who don’t have a friggin home to sleep in but the possibility we can have a fire here in San Antonio as if we want to have a tragedy so that we can be “front page material”!!! Christ said unto the least of these, you do unto me.

5 Smooth Stones

Yesterday in my small group community at my church we discussed having faith that Christ has equipped us to fulfill His will by looking at the account of David and Goliath in I Sam 17. One of the questions I asked the group was why did David take 5 stones when only 1 was needed? Didn’t he have faith? Didn’t he believe God could smite Goliath? Didn’t he taunt Goliath saying that God would deliver him into his hands? What makes the question even more puzzling is that when we think of David we think of him as “A man after God’s own heart”. So why 5 stones? Doesn’t that show weakness? Doesn’t that show a lack of faith? Doesn’t that show that David isn’t this “man after God’s own heart”? Then I had to ask the question, what does it mean being after God’s own heart? Does it mean faith? Does it mean service? Does it mean smiling and giving grace when that jerk jumps in front of you in the 10 items or less express lane and has 400 items? What I’ve noticed is if the person’s heart is honest with God, I mean transparently honest with Him, God is pleased. After David had eyes for Bathseba, when Thomas said he just wouldn’t believe, when Martha pointed her bony finger at Jesus and said “If you had only been here my brother wouldn’t have died”, when Peter denied Him to the servants, when the rich young ruler walked away from Him sad, Christ’s response is always of love. Compare that to Ananias and Sapphira when they, in all appearances, were being “Holy” and “giving fully of themselves” but secretly kept back some of the profits they pledged to Christ, God hit the smite button. What God wants is our honesty. When asked how ya doin’ the answer is not always good, yet God wants us to be willing to have faith in Him that He will still love us even if we are disappointed, disagree, or discouraged by what He does and wants to the point we are willing to tell Him we are ticked off, grieved, or discouraged. Look at the Psalms, didn’t David do that? Didn’t he tell God his joys, sorrows, trials and successes? Maybe the next time we pick up 5 smooth stones we will remember that and be comforted that He is still pleased.

Man's best friend

Last night I went for a run. Plugged in with my IPod, I had my attention focused on what was in front of me when all of a sudden I felt this “presence” behind me to my right. My first thought was that I was “Oh no I’m being passed” and as I’m sure you’ve experienced, you can’t look bad by being passed when you’re out for a jog. But then all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I saw it by my waist, the big head of a monster dog. Needless to say I immediately stopped running, jumped up in the air and let out a yelp like a little school girl and stopped. It was a yellow lab and it stopped right with me then moved over to the sidewalk, looking straight ahead as if it had been trained as a seeing-eye dog. Now I am not a pet person and it’s not that I don’t like dogs because I do, I just am not ready for the responsibility of one. Well this dog simply stayed there, it didn’t try to sniff me, slobber on me, jump on me or bite me in the butt. So I began running again and it trotted along right beside me 6 inches away from my side as if it were on a leash. It was following me. So I stopped again and it stopped. I reached over and pet it on the side of the head and it didn’t flinch, pull away, or try to get a whiff of me. Now that is my kind of dog, one that will let me do anything I want with it and won’t be jumping all over me, licking every part of my exposed skin, but simply faithfully following me waiting for me when I am ready to show it affection when I want. Then it dawned on me. How much is this dog like Christ? He does not impose Himself on us, but loves us with His life. He allows us to smack Him, yell at Him, treat Him like property, and ignore Him as if He doesn’t exist. Yet He is always on the front porch waiting and wanting for us to come home so that He can express His love for us. We tend to love dogs because of their unconditional love for us. A dog will listen as we gripe and unload our burdens, not giving any solutions, not telling us that we are wrong for having that attitude, not condemning us for our response. The result, they completely take our troubles away, calming the pains in our hearts taking us to a whole new world when we reach over and scratch them behind the ear. Isn’t that what Christ wants to do for us? He tells us to cast our cares upon Him, to “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls for my yoke is easy and my burden light.” I have heard that preached so many times to the point where it is now kinda like a cliché. It is easy to say, but not necessarily easy to do, or is it? If I allow a dog to wisp away all my troubles, I can do the same with Christ. I guess that is how Paul can be in jail and still have his “best day attitude” in a worst day situation.

Hearing a lot

I just watched the movie Gettysburg and yep you guessed it, it’s about the battle of Gettysburg. The cool thing about it is that it humanizes the leaders, displays their faith, their pride, their honor, and their struggles. There is a scene between Gen. Longstreet, “Pete” and Gen. Armistead, “Lo” in Gen Longstreet’s tent. Gen. Armistead, a subordinate to a subordinate of Longstreet, is expressing his desire to see Gen Hancock who just so happens to be the opposing commander. He talks about how they were the best of friends before the war and how he didn’t really want to fight him. At one point he recalls that he told Gen Hancock that if he raised his hand against him “may God strike me down” (a quote that is historically accurate and event that happens). But what struck me was not Gen. Armistead lamenting but Gen Longstreet simply listening. Gen. Armistead does all the talking, and I mean all the talking. Old Pete simply listens, giving Lo his complete attention, and the occasional nod. The result, Armistead thanks Longstreet and is comforted that Longstreet empathizes with him. The fact that Longstreet understands is enough for Armistead. How much so is it with Christ? He completely understands our lives, our joys, our sorrows and is available all the time, anytime to listen. God has been hearing a lot from me lately, the good and the bad, my successes and my failures, my hopes and aspirations and what I believe as hindrances and as a result I have been comforted and content.

Foot in Mouth Disease

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Kathy and I talked until about midnight then I tossed and turned until about 1:30 slept for a couple hours then tossed and turned until it was pretty much time for me to get up for work. I don’t know why, there wasn’t a full moon, I hadn’t had an espresso before I went to bed, nor did I take any Sudafed, I just couldn’t sleep. So my day didn’t start out very well, but that wasn’t the worst part of the start of my day. Now my pride needed some stroking because although I didn’t sleep I deserve to have a good night sleep (yeah right) and in the process of trying to drum up the sympathy from Kathy I said, “I stayed awake for while after you stopped talking” and as soon as I said it I wanted it back. Whatever happened to “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs”? Words, unlike a cup of coffee can’t be taken back. What I was thinking in my head was that Kathy was so tired last night that she fell asleep in the middle of a thought and so she just “stopped talking”. But she can’t read my mind and had no idea what I was really saying she just knows what I said that I didn’t value her enough to want to listen to her and it was a dagger into her spirit. Now I immediately apologized and while that may remove the dagger, it doesn’t heal the wound. The dagger may be removed but the result, the consequence of it is still there, the hurt, the shame are still there. Being burdened by the weight of my sin, knowing that I hurt her, made my day start worse than not sleeping well, not having any coffee, or the worse kind of bad traffic, yet Kathy is the best thing that God could have ever given me. Just before I walked out the door, I gave her a kiss, and she held on to me and hugged me in such an intimate, caring, compassionate, grace filled, forgiving embrace that my burden melted away and my love for her grew even more. Now I don’t know if the wound is healed, only time will tell. I just know that Christ’s grace overflows from my wife and I desperately don’t want to wound her again.

Quick Fix

Last night we received some bad news; my father-in-law needs to have surgery again. He had surgery at the beginning of February and it has not healed and the mesh they used to seal his wound is infected so they need to replace it. The surgery is not that complicated but his health is. He has a tendency to get blood clots after he has surgery which can be very deadly. He has survived 2, which is a miracle and we don’t want to test it again. Kathy called me at work and I came directly home. I could have told her to “trust the Lord”, “have faith”, “God is the Great Physician”, or “God has a purpose” but that is not what was needed. She needed my shoulder; she needed my ear; she needed my arms to hold her. It is always easy to offer up a cliché and brush off a problem as fixed and in our fast paced society, a quick fix, a band-aid is what we feel is the optimal solution. We have so many crusty, dirty, torn band-aids on burdens that we have band-aids to hold band-aids on. Sometimes, the best kind of healing is exposure, to air it out. Last night, I didn’t “fix” the problem, I simply let Kathy it air out.

Saw dust

I always find it fascinating watching people interact. Today I watched as two individuals spared back and forth, speaking of the other person in cryptic yet cutting and biting remarks wanting to let everyone know how they feel about the other person without coming out and boldly proclaiming it; condescending arrogance from one, defensive attack from the other. My heart broke when with each comment both individuals looked at me seeking affirmation to the hurtful encrypted message they were sending. I wonder how much Christ’s heart breaks when we pray for the speck to be removed from our brother’s eye, blind to what we have in our own eye. I would like to say that grace was given and grace was received but neither heart listened to His message