Subsisto Tractus (Stay the Course)

Boating....

2008-05-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

I saw a commercial for boating (yeah I know it's in french but you'll get the point) where a family waved at everybody they passed, on the escalator, in a store as they drove by, or to their neighbors. In each situation outside of boating, the person they were waiving to didn’t want to wave back (except the toddler which is another blog). Is it the experience of boating that causes a person to wave to another? What is it about a boat and a body of water that would prompt someone to wave to another? I would venture to say it has nothing to do with the water but what is expected of the person because they are boating. In the same way if you golf there is certain attire that you are supposed to wear, or Monday morning at the office there is a certain cliché you are supposed to say. It is not the person that determines the action but rather the situation that determines the action. Is that what Christ taught? Do we require an activity to prompt us to reach out to people, to let people we know they are valued, to demonstrate that the grace of Christ has no boundaries? I thought we were supposed to love our enemies, teach truth, admonish evil and in all things love Him and our neighbors as ourselves. So regardless if we are on a boat or golf course, shouldn’t we all wave to each other?

Powerful Encouragement

2008-05-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

God is absolutely amazing, perfect in every way, wisdom, love, grace, and timing. We’ve heard it before that His timing is perfect and we often accept it as a cliché, a truth that is not applicable, especially in the midst of storms. Well, I have been spiraling out of control recently, under the weight of the burden of others without a way to help, not seeing the burning bush with His marching orders, wandering aimlessly in the desert. How often have we thought of the books of Timothy as part of the pastoral letters and simply brush them off as too lofty for us? I mean who thinks they can be like Paul, Peter, Steven, or even Timothy? We have no problem associating with Doubting Thomas, but Paul or Timothy? Then, I read 2 Tim 1:1-12 http://bible.crosswalk.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?new=1&word=2+Tim+1%3A1-12&section=0&version=nas&language=en and God in His perfect timing speaks. So often I’ve read this scripture as command, command, command but what is it that Paul is really saying? Is that what he was intending? It seems as if Paul knew Timothy was discouraged to the point of tears and that he was sincere in his grief; it wasn’t a show. But what made Timothy cry? Was it the hungry starving for food? Was it the political junk of the day? Was it that the evil of this world was overshadowing the grace of Christ to the point where it was hardly recognizable if the Holy Spirit was at work? Was it the persecution of the position of prophet, pastor, teacher teaching the testimony of Christ? Or maybe, just maybe it was his passion for the lost, and more importantly those of whom he has either lead to Christ or those that already know Christ and Timothy has had the privilege to teach and he is grieved that they’ve have fallen away. Could that be a possibility? What is it that Paul takes confidence in? His confidence is in God in that He IS ABLE (not necessarily that He will) care for those that he has entrusted to God (of which Timothy is a member of) in the same way Christ entrusted His disciples to Him. If that be the case, man can I relate to Timothy and it encourages me to get back up, brush myself off, and jump back into the fray. I have looked back across the field far too long instead of look forward towards His purpose. So with resolve for the Lord has not given us a spirit of timidity but one of power, love and discipline, the next time I’m avoided, the testimony I share is rejected, the elect condemn my passion for knowledge of the Holy, (all of which have already happened since I’ve made this decision), I will stand tall, charge into battle and with resounding fervor embrace the encouragement Paul gives to Timothy and declare “I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day”!!!!

How marvelous!

2008-04-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

In my personal worship time today I was reminded of the hymn “I Stand Amazed in the Presence”. While reflecting on my struggle, I began discussing the message He has put in my heart, the message of His blood, grace and His love and my desire for those around me to hear it. In the course of our discussion, He slipped in that the message was also for me and I am ashamed to say it took Him more than once for it to sink in. His reminder of that hymn cut me to the quick. The first verse purposeful and direct

I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene
And wonder how He could love me
A sinner, condemned, unclean.

Dealing with my response to this world as Paul once did, I am a sinner, I am condemned, and I am unclean, I am taken back not at “how” He could love me, but “why” He would. I will admit it is hard to love those that hurt you or to love those that hurt the people you do love, so after as much as I've hurt Him, why He would love me is dumbfounding, yet expressed in the second and fourth verses

For me it was in the garden
He prayed, “Not My will but Thine.”
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat-drops of blood for mine. (what imagery)

He took my sins and my sorrows (of which Satan haunts me with daily)
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary
And suffered and died alone.

He chose to love me beyond any imaginable amount and I am amazed. I cried through our talk and with a broken cracking voice began to quietly sing the hymn. By the last verse my heart was swelling with such desire for Him I wanted to cry out with such force as to shake the very foundations of the earth to where I sang the refrain over and over again -

How marvelous! How wonderful
And my song shall ever be.
How marvelous! How wonderful
Is my Savior’s love for me!

- thinking of the last line of the verse my face showered by tears and as the words became so broken and unintelligible, I began to think of my song in response. Although the words are “How marvelous, How wonderful and my song shall ever be!” does that ring true from my mind…….does it resonate from my heart……..does it resound from my soul…….does it cry out in my life. How marvelous is my song wonderful? Moreover………….do those that are around me hear it?

Rest to do what?

2008-03-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

I was reading in Leviticus today and came across an interesting verse. Yes I did say Leviticus. Chapter 16:29 it says, “On the tenth day of the seventh month you must deny yourselves and not do any work.” I found it interesting that God uses the words “deny yourselves” when it comes to work. The normal association I make when I hear the word deny is that it is concerns giving up something I really like and is not something that I would want to do, for example, I must deny myself chips and queso if I am to lose weight, or deny myself the 52 inch flat panel TV if I am to replace the siding on the house, but to put it in the context of work, is it hard to deny myself work? Shoot my kids would be the holiest kids in the world if holiness was based on how much we deny ourselves work, especially when I tell them to clean their room or sweep the floor. So why did God put that part in there? If I didn’t take in the whole scripture I think I could start a pretty fast growing ministry with “No Work” as its theme. Yet He explains a bit more in the next verse, “because on this day atonement will be made for you, to cleanse you…It is a Sabbath rest ” You see, my fleshly nature which is in constant battle with the Holy Spirit is to deny that I’ve sinned and need atonement. Because His knowledge of me penetrates to the inner recesses of my heart, He understands that it is enough work for me to focus on my atonement and I don’t need the distractions of earthly responsibility even if I keep my sin list short. As a result, today, the Sabbath has become a bit clearer.

Give unto...

2008-03-05T20:08:00.000-08:00

As I have been reading the interaction between Christ and those that were around Him I have been paying attention to their responses. When some leaders tried to trap Christ concerning the Roman occupation and paying taxes Christ responds in saying, “give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” The result was amazement. Why? Why would someone be amazed? Was it because He called them out in their trap? Was it because He acknowledged that Caesar was a leader? We have a tendency to focus on the Caesar part of His answer and not on Christ’s main thrust, the God part, “give to God what is God’s”. But what is God’s? It’s answered right after that in Mark, “Love the Lord with all your heart mind soul and strength and your neighbor as yourself”. Yet we begrudgingly pay our taxes while we ignore the devotion to God.

Who's talking....

2008-02-26T18:49:00.001-08:00

As I stay in the boat, a question comes to mind are the “storms” that surround me, storms that are generated by my decisions that are not apart of God’s will but rather my will? I find that this question to often makes me hesitate and sometimes even turn my back on what really is God’s will because I don’t have a burning bush in front of me telling me what to do. Is it my fleshly desires or is it His will? In a “christian” culture where you hear things are said like “you don’t have because you don’t have enough faith” or “speak it into existence” how much of that is truly His will? The storm that Jonah faced had everything to do with him disobeying God for he judged a people whom God wanted to give a second chance. The more I get to know the nature of God, like Jonah, the more I realize how much I am not like Him and His way is not like my way. I have to choose to trust that His way is best regardless of what I think the outcome may be and I must pray, as a friend said, with faith without fear that I clearly know His will and He will fulfill it through me.

Do you still...

2008-02-25T18:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am still in the boat with the disciples huddled together scared of the awesome power of Christ. I’ve been focused on His question “Why are you afraid?” but to answer that question I must first answer the second question that Christ asks his disciples, “Do you STILL have no faith?” In the storm it is hard, at least for me, to see beyond the wind and the rain however I know that it is my choice to trust Him regardless if He calms the storm or not. The key to it is that my choice has absolutely no bearing upon His nature. The truth that He can calm the storm does not hinge upon whether I choose to trust Him or not. What I choose to believe in does not shape the nature of God to formulate an outcome. It would be my unfaltering trust in His will that would make the noise of the storm mute and this is blatantly demonstrated by Christ asleep in the boat. Therefore, the question Christ poses to His disciples is the same question I must ask myself as I go through storms that I face, “do you still have no faith?” My faith in Him is expressed in the way I live my life day by day, moment by moment. How I answer His question if I still have no faith will tell if I wither in failure or conquer in joy and unfortunately I have found that my answer is always changing.

Why are you scared

2008-02-24T10:44:00.001-08:00

I have been continuing my discussion with the Lord about who He is and how He wants me to see Him and He brings up a recurring question, “Why are you afraid?” Back in the boat with the shaking disciples after He calmed the blistering storm Christ asks them, “Why ARE you afraid?”
The waves are now calm, the wind gone, the water quietly lapping the side of the boat yet the disciples are in the boat and as Mark puts it “very much afraid” so I asked, why were they still afraid? Why didn’t they respond with a “Yeah Jesus, you’re awesome! That “be still” thing was just WOW!” No instead they cowered in the boat asking “who is this guy?” Now I will be the first to say I don’t know the minds of the disciples but maybe the conversation went kinda like this. “Did you know He could command the seas?” Judas asked finally breaking the deafening silence. With wide eyed blank stares the other disciples looked at each other and shook their heads. Then one by one they began hanging their heads looking at their toes. Then Peter mumbled, “Do you think that He commanded the storm that sank Frank’s boat and killed his crew last week because you know Frank getting drunk every night?” “Don’t know,” said Philip, “but I’m not gonna ask Him after He wasn’t happy and pointed it out we didn’t understand His story about the sower and the seed.” “If He can do that like it was nothing,” asked Thaddeus, “what else can He do?” “Well we’ve seen Him heal people of all kinds of stuff,” replied Bartholomew. “We’ve also seen Him ticked off at the Pharisees,” retorted Matthew. “What can He do to us?” whispered James finally asking the question that was on all their minds. “I mean, look at what God did to Pharaoh through Moses and this guy is doing the same kind of stuff and on a whim too.” With their heads back down looking at their feet not daring to glance at Him silence again reigned in the boat. But then John looked up and held his gaze on Jesus looking out across the sea. “But would He do something like that?” he finally asked. They all looked up at Andrew as he was fixed on Jesus. Then they all began to look at Him when He suddenly turned to them with a gentle smile on His face. “Why are you still afraid?” He asks. Okay, I am sure that is not how it went but it points out an issue. If I know that Christ has my best interest in mind, why would I be afraid of what He has in store for me? Maybe it would be because what I think is my best interest isn’t what He thinks is my best interest and I know that but I still want what I want. All that my fear would prove is that I am not concerned about having His will lived out in my life but rather I’m concerned only for my own selfish gains.

How does He want to be seen?

2008-02-19T17:34:00.000-08:00

I couldn’t sleep at all last night, tossing and turning wide awake every hour. I normally take that as God really wanting to talk to me without distractions. So, while spending some time with the Lord, I began contemplating who Christ really is in my life. The disciples were in the boat and the storm raged around them. Christ is woken up by His panicked disciples where effortlessly He dispersed the storm. Then His disciples asked the question “Who then is this?” Did they have such a mind’s eye image of the Messiah that they could not picture Him calming the storm? Is the image that we have or more appropriately, the image that I have, an image that hinders me from seeing the fullness of God? Do I only see him as the shepherd with a crook in one hand and lamb in the other? For example do I see Him as only giving me “as much as I can handle”? If so, that simply shows my misunderstanding of the nature of God and who He really is. God will give me what He can handle; it is my responsibility to rely upon Him. It is His strength that allows me to complete the task (Phil 4:13), it is His Spirit that empowers me (Zec 4:6). It is my blindness that hinders me from seeing Him as He wants to be seen, my shortcomings that hinders me from relying upon Him for the fullness of life He offers, my sin that desire to bring Him down to my level and make a god in my image. Oh God! forgive me for distorting you into something you’re not to justify my own shortcomings. Help me see you as you want to be seen, and help me to fully rely upon you keeping my eyes fixed solely upon you.

Lessons learned and unlearned

2008-01-29T18:57:00.000-08:00

Dog’s can learn and unlearn tricks pretty quick. When we first got Brody he actually came when you told him to come. Well, that has changed. He now kinda just looks around and goes back to gnawing holes in his squeaker toys or playing (dominatingly) tug-a-war with my brother-in-laws dog up visiting for a couple of days. So we will have to do some obedience training with him for he quickly unlearned what he had previously learned. However he has been afraid to go up the stairs. He would go only as far as he could without taking his hind legs off the ground floor. That has changed now. After crying for 5 minutes because everyone was upstairs in school, he braved the stairs and made it gingerly up. Now, up and down the stairs he goes without any problem. Tomorrow we will see if he will learn to handle being left alone while the kids are in school and no partner to wrestle with.

New Addition

2008-01-27T20:34:00.001-08:00

Well today we had an addition to our family a puppy, half boxer, half lab and fully energetic. This guy had a rough start, his first owner didn’t want him or his 8 other newborn siblings so to get rid of them took them out in the back yard dug a hole and tossed them into the hole and covered them up alive. When neighbors heard the commotion, they went to rescue them and pulled them all out, and Brody is the only one that survived. He was fostered by a friend that loves dogs dearly and had tears in her eyes when he was loaded into the car. Two totally different people; one with selfish malice one with unbridled compassion. Now he is in his final home and being loved on by an entire family. The best part; the thump, thump, thump of that large tail as he is being scratched behind the ears.

At the Cross

2008-01-23T20:00:00.000-08:00

This morning I was praying for a friend of mine that six months ago would have never thought he would be where he is now. He is now leading a group of people in their spiritual journey, leading them in community building relationships that as another friend of mine preached, is “centered on the person and the cause of Christ”. As I was talking to Christ about this new leader and how he now sees the destitute, the sheep without a shepherd, telling Him about how my friend wants to connect with all people where he even spent the night outside – and not camping – so he would know what a homeless person went through when it was freezing outside, I began to ask Christ to protect him, help him understand that when He moves him to the very core of his being, convicts his heart with His word, forces him to his knees in repentance, and he lives a life abounding with joy in obedience, that when he shares his conviction with the group he is leading, the vast majority of them unfortunately will not be moved and be blind to the joys that he is experiencing. I continued in asking Christ to lead my friend in patience and that when the people he is leading become dry and hardened, to have him remember to take them back to the cross and have them remember from where they have fallen for the cross isn’t a ticket to be gained, but a consequence given. I asked Christ to let him know that some are there only because they want to get into heaven. As I continued I began singing the hymn “At The Cross” and the verse and refrain hit me hard;

“Was it for crimes that I had done
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing Pity! Grace unknown
And love beyond degree!

At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

I pondered on the words, imagery, and emotions of the song wrapped in personal application of when I have crumbled at the foot of the cross and my attention went to my relief and joy of when, “the burden of my heart rolled away” and that it was the Holy Spirit that opened my eyes. So I asked Christ to make sure that my friend understands that no matter how much conviction he experiences that leads to his repentance and being reconciled with Christ, not everybody will be convicted as he is convicted because not everyone has the same commitment to obedience that he has, nor hearts that listen to His prompting as his.

If so, I will go

2008-01-13T19:15:00.001-08:00

How much do I have the feet of Christ? A friend wrote a blog the other day about situational awareness. His point was about having the eyes of Christ. I realized something today, that the eyes of Christ are the beginning. If I see the multitude as Christ sees them, destitute, like sheep without a shepherd, do I have the feet of Christ to go? Go and sit with the person that nobody cares about, that has always been ridiculed, made fun for no good reason, Go and encourage those that are down, Go and forgive the guy that tosses his empty beer can in my yard, Go and deny myself for the betterment of others? Am I willing to go the way Christ went, giving up glory to die so that someone else may live? You see it no longer becomes a question of having the knowledge; it becomes a question of willingness. Are my desires His desires? If so, I will go.

All That Glitters Isn't Gold

2008-01-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was talking with my daughters about the clothes they have and how cute they are. When I think back about all the clothes they have, more often than not I don’t remember ever buying them because they get most of them as hand me downs from other friends. Well my youngest daughter Gabby made a comment that her older sister Robin gets all the cloths and she doesn’t get anything. The reason is Robin is older and bigger and the people that give us clothing have girls that are older and bigger than Robin so it has everything to do with their sizes. What broke my heart was the conclusion that Gabby came up with as to the reason she doesn’t get any clothes. “It’s because nobody likes me.” How often has our thought pattern been the same, because we weren’t asked to go somewhere with a group or we didn’t get a Christmas card from the people we sent cards to nobody likes us? So in our privacy fenced in lives, how are we supposed to fulfill the social nature within each of us? How would our lives be different if we truly believed and accepted that Christ’s love is sufficient for us? How much more grateful would we be for that love, how much more devoted would we be to loving Him with all of heart, mind, soul, and strength? What would happen if we lived that devoted life that didn’t need to be put behind a privacy fence, a life where there is no difference between the life we project for everyone to see and the one we live behind closed doors fully devoted to Him? I pray that I demonstrate His unconditional love to the extent that Robin and Gabby see that He is all they need.

Favored One

2007-12-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

This morning in my conversation with God, I was discussing the fact that Mary was the “favored one” and the picture of an employer sitting behind a desk came to mind. Before him sits 7 or 8 resumes all vying for one position where each has the same background and qualifications, which one does he choose, which one does he favor? It wasn’t that God thought Mary was perfect, head and shoulders above all the rest, He simply chose her. Then in the course of my discussion He told me something I kind of had lost sight of. “Mike, I chose you too.” “Yeah, I know” I responded rather flippantly unfortunately. “I don’t think your grasping what I’m saying Mike, I had the choice of you or to offer My Son to pay the penalty for your sin and I favored you. I chose to allow Him to be bruised ….and it made me happy. It made me happy to bruise Him Mike, because by doing that it gave Me the opportunity to spend this time and all eternity with you.” The thought of it bringing a smile to His face to see His Son pinned to a piece of wood, bloody, beaten beyond recognition just so He could have an unhindered relationship with me doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m thankful it does to Him.

Dancing One Thousand Miles

2007-11-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

This morning while I was cooking breakfast, listening to music, and dancing like a Baptist, the Happy Song by Delirious played from the playlist I was listening to and I actually paused to really pay attention to the lyrics.

Oh I could sing unending songs
Of how you saved my soul
Well I could dance a thousand miles
Because of your great love”

Then I realized the truth in the lyrics. Oh I could sing unending songs? Yes I “could” sing, the question is not in the actually possibility, if it is plausible for me in the same way I “could” pray without ceasing but the question is “do” I sing unending songs. Is my life a song of praise, a song of joy, a song of worship, a song that brings Him glory – in everything I do? Not only that, the song says I could dance a thousand miles. Now I understand that it is hyperbole to dance 1000 miles and at times when things are “good” it seems easy to dance 1000 miles but Christ tells me to simply walk 2 miles. Is my grip on faith one that ebbs flows with the tides of blessings and trials, a grip on faith that “dances” only when there are earthly blessings? It may be my desire is to dance 1000 miles regardless of the terrain, yet I will only do that when I have completely surrendered, when I have completely denied myself of all fleshly desires. So, I must continue to climb this spiral staircase of sanctification striving to be holy as He is holy, stumbling again and again being picked up again and again and reminded of His great love.

Render unto God....

2007-11-14T19:13:00.000-08:00

Jesus in looking at a coin answers the questions of paying taxes by saying, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” We often view His response as direction as to what we do with earthly government. Yes this is true however that is only half of what Christ said. “Render to God the things that are God’s”. What are the things that are God’s?

How to draw me to your church?

2007-11-12T20:11:00.000-08:00

Today I read an article “10 things to draw me to your church”. From the surface it all “sounds” good yet there is a fundamental flaw. The goal of the article it seems is to draw someone to the institution of “church” such that they become the all elusive “club member”. I have seen so much effort made by churches to “entice” the community to enter their doors with the sole purpose of gaining prospects. We have harvest parties, offer parenting, marriage, and financial seminars promoted as “we’re reaching the community” where the effort is made in the registering or signup. So much priority is made on attendance that the culture now measures spiritual maturity with attendance and evangelism is inviting individuals to a service or event instead of simply sharing the good news. This has led to the average Christian compartmentalizing their life, with “church” (which represents their personal relationship with Christ) in a box set off by itself that is only opened Sunday morning and opened Sunday night and Wednesday night for the dedicated. This lack of interest has led churches to become “relevant” to the lowest common “seeker” such that it removes Christ completely from the church because there are none that seek righteousness, no not one. “But we’re about building relationships” churches say – relationships between who, man and man or man and Christ? If the measure of our church is defined by the number of lost people that sit in a chair for the Sunday service with the hopes of connecting with them to build relationships then we can say we do pretty good. Even so if the measure of the church is defined by the fulfillment of our purpose statements, idealistically those “fully devoted followers of Christ” would be devoted at the workplace, parks, shopping centers, movie theaters, highways etc. and we wouldn’t need to “draw” anybody to church with programs or paradigms because by being the example of Christ every moment of every day, the grace we live by would draw people to Christ regardless if they “attend our church”. The church in the book of Acts, spent time devoting themselves to the apostles teachings and as a result, had favor with the community. Bottom line, it is Christ that does the drawing, we simply do the obeying.

Good News?

2007-11-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

We often say the salvation is the “Good News”, salvation from the slavery of sin to the freedom to sin no more. Of course that doesn’t mean we don’t sin we simply have a choice to not sin anymore. Anyway, if it were such “good news”, then why do we not spread it more? When was the last time you heard someone say “did you hear the good news?” or have we become so jaded that the only thing that catches our attention is sensationalized tragedy which simply lets us know how fallen the world is? I heard a quote from 23 year old Kerry Underwood “God has blessed me so much I will be spending the rest of my life trying to figure out why”. If the Good News is such a blessing and really is “GOOD NEWS”, what holds us back from sharing it?

Important or Unimportant Tragedy?

2007-10-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today I’m gonna vent a little bit and pray that I don’t sound bitter and come across as judgmental. This morning in listening for the traffic report as I sat on Bandara with the steady red glow of break lights in front of me as far as I could see, the “teaser” for a big story here in San Antonio was “A Former MacArthur football player killed”. When the story came on, the reporter focused on the former MacArthur football connection as if that made it more of a tragedy. Now I will be the first to tell you that yes it is a tragedy, but what makes any more tragic that the homeless person that was killed last week? We tend to esteem certain social/cultural statuses more than others as if by identifying with them we become more significant. It seems as if we are so focused on ourselves and setting ourselves apart in our search for meaning in this world that deep down we don’t really care about anybody else but ourselves. There are fires out of control in San Diego were thousands of homes have been destroyed, so what do we report on, not the need of the people who don’t have a friggin home to sleep in but the possibility we can have a fire here in San Antonio as if we want to have a tragedy so that we can be “front page material”!!! Christ said unto the least of these, you do unto me.

5 Smooth Stones

2007-10-22T18:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday in my small group community at my church we discussed having faith that Christ has equipped us to fulfill His will by looking at the account of David and Goliath in I Sam 17. One of the questions I asked the group was why did David take 5 stones when only 1 was needed? Didn’t he have faith? Didn’t he believe God could smite Goliath? Didn’t he taunt Goliath saying that God would deliver him into his hands? What makes the question even more puzzling is that when we think of David we think of him as “A man after God’s own heart”. So why 5 stones? Doesn’t that show weakness? Doesn’t that show a lack of faith? Doesn’t that show that David isn’t this “man after God’s own heart”? Then I had to ask the question, what does it mean being after God’s own heart? Does it mean faith? Does it mean service? Does it mean smiling and giving grace when that jerk jumps in front of you in the 10 items or less express lane and has 400 items? What I’ve noticed is if the person’s heart is honest with God, I mean transparently honest with Him, God is pleased. After David had eyes for Bathseba, when Thomas said he just wouldn’t believe, when Martha pointed her bony finger at Jesus and said “If you had only been here my brother wouldn’t have died”, when Peter denied Him to the servants, when the rich young ruler walked away from Him sad, Christ’s response is always of love. Compare that to Ananias and Sapphira when they, in all appearances, were being “Holy” and “giving fully of themselves” but secretly kept back some of the profits they pledged to Christ, God hit the smite button. What God wants is our honesty. When asked how ya doin’ the answer is not always good, yet God wants us to be willing to have faith in Him that He will still love us even if we are disappointed, disagree, or discouraged by what He does and wants to the point we are willing to tell Him we are ticked off, grieved, or discouraged. Look at the Psalms, didn’t David do that? Didn’t he tell God his joys, sorrows, trials and successes? Maybe the next time we pick up 5 smooth stones we will remember that and be comforted that He is still pleased.

Man's best friend

2007-10-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I went for a run. Plugged in with my IPod, I had my attention focused on what was in front of me when all of a sudden I felt this “presence” behind me to my right. My first thought was that I was “Oh no I’m being passed” and as I’m sure you’ve experienced, you can’t look bad by being passed when you’re out for a jog. But then all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I saw it by my waist, the big head of a monster dog. Needless to say I immediately stopped running, jumped up in the air and let out a yelp like a little school girl and stopped. It was a yellow lab and it stopped right with me then moved over to the sidewalk, looking straight ahead as if it had been trained as a seeing-eye dog. Now I am not a pet person and it’s not that I don’t like dogs because I do, I just am not ready for the responsibility of one. Well this dog simply stayed there, it didn’t try to sniff me, slobber on me, jump on me or bite me in the butt. So I began running again and it trotted along right beside me 6 inches away from my side as if it were on a leash. It was following me. So I stopped again and it stopped. I reached over and pet it on the side of the head and it didn’t flinch, pull away, or try to get a whiff of me. Now that is my kind of dog, one that will let me do anything I want with it and won’t be jumping all over me, licking every part of my exposed skin, but simply faithfully following me waiting for me when I am ready to show it affection when I want. Then it dawned on me. How much is this dog like Christ? He does not impose Himself on us, but loves us with His life. He allows us to smack Him, yell at Him, treat Him like property, and ignore Him as if He doesn’t exist. Yet He is always on the front porch waiting and wanting for us to come home so that He can express His love for us. We tend to love dogs because of their unconditional love for us. A dog will listen as we gripe and unload our burdens, not giving any solutions, not telling us that we are wrong for having that attitude, not condemning us for our response. The result, they completely take our troubles away, calming the pains in our hearts taking us to a whole new world when we reach over and scratch them behind the ear. Isn’t that what Christ wants to do for us? He tells us to cast our cares upon Him, to “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls for my yoke is easy and my burden light.” I have heard that preached so many times to the point where it is now kinda like a cliché. It is easy to say, but not necessarily easy to do, or is it? If I allow a dog to wisp away all my troubles, I can do the same with Christ. I guess that is how Paul can be in jail and still have his “best day attitude” in a worst day situation.

Hearing a lot

2007-10-05T19:50:00.000-07:00

I just watched the movie Gettysburg and yep you guessed it, it’s about the battle of Gettysburg. The cool thing about it is that it humanizes the leaders, displays their faith, their pride, their honor, and their struggles. There is a scene between Gen. Longstreet, “Pete” and Gen. Armistead, “Lo” in Gen Longstreet’s tent. Gen. Armistead, a subordinate to a subordinate of Longstreet, is expressing his desire to see Gen Hancock who just so happens to be the opposing commander. He talks about how they were the best of friends before the war and how he didn’t really want to fight him. At one point he recalls that he told Gen Hancock that if he raised his hand against him “may God strike me down” (a quote that is historically accurate and event that happens). But what struck me was not Gen. Armistead lamenting but Gen Longstreet simply listening. Gen. Armistead does all the talking, and I mean all the talking. Old Pete simply listens, giving Lo his complete attention, and the occasional nod. The result, Armistead thanks Longstreet and is comforted that Longstreet empathizes with him. The fact that Longstreet understands is enough for Armistead. How much so is it with Christ? He completely understands our lives, our joys, our sorrows and is available all the time, anytime to listen. God has been hearing a lot from me lately, the good and the bad, my successes and my failures, my hopes and aspirations and what I believe as hindrances and as a result I have been comforted and content.

Foot in Mouth Disease

2007-09-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Kathy and I talked until about midnight then I tossed and turned until about 1:30 slept for a couple hours then tossed and turned until it was pretty much time for me to get up for work. I don’t know why, there wasn’t a full moon, I hadn’t had an espresso before I went to bed, nor did I take any Sudafed, I just couldn’t sleep. So my day didn’t start out very well, but that wasn’t the worst part of the start of my day. Now my pride needed some stroking because although I didn’t sleep I deserve to have a good night sleep (yeah right) and in the process of trying to drum up the sympathy from Kathy I said, “I stayed awake for while after you stopped talking” and as soon as I said it I wanted it back. Whatever happened to “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs”? Words, unlike a cup of coffee can’t be taken back. What I was thinking in my head was that Kathy was so tired last night that she fell asleep in the middle of a thought and so she just “stopped talking”. But she can’t read my mind and had no idea what I was really saying she just knows what I said that I didn’t value her enough to want to listen to her and it was a dagger into her spirit. Now I immediately apologized and while that may remove the dagger, it doesn’t heal the wound. The dagger may be removed but the result, the consequence of it is still there, the hurt, the shame are still there. Being burdened by the weight of my sin, knowing that I hurt her, made my day start worse than not sleeping well, not having any coffee, or the worse kind of bad traffic, yet Kathy is the best thing that God could have ever given me. Just before I walked out the door, I gave her a kiss, and she held on to me and hugged me in such an intimate, caring, compassionate, grace filled, forgiving embrace that my burden melted away and my love for her grew even more. Now I don’t know if the wound is healed, only time will tell. I just know that Christ’s grace overflows from my wife and I desperately don’t want to wound her again.

Quick Fix

2007-09-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Last night we received some bad news; my father-in-law needs to have surgery again. He had surgery at the beginning of February and it has not healed and the mesh they used to seal his wound is infected so they need to replace it. The surgery is not that complicated but his health is. He has a tendency to get blood clots after he has surgery which can be very deadly. He has survived 2, which is a miracle and we don’t want to test it again. Kathy called me at work and I came directly home. I could have told her to “trust the Lord”, “have faith”, “God is the Great Physician”, or “God has a purpose” but that is not what was needed. She needed my shoulder; she needed my ear; she needed my arms to hold her. It is always easy to offer up a cliché and brush off a problem as fixed and in our fast paced society, a quick fix, a band-aid is what we feel is the optimal solution. We have so many crusty, dirty, torn band-aids on burdens that we have band-aids to hold band-aids on. Sometimes, the best kind of healing is exposure, to air it out. Last night, I didn’t “fix” the problem, I simply let Kathy it air out.

Saw dust

2007-09-14T17:07:00.001-07:00

I always find it fascinating watching people interact. Today I watched as two individuals spared back and forth, speaking of the other person in cryptic yet cutting and biting remarks wanting to let everyone know how they feel about the other person without coming out and boldly proclaiming it; condescending arrogance from one, defensive attack from the other. My heart broke when with each comment both individuals looked at me seeking affirmation to the hurtful encrypted message they were sending. I wonder how much Christ’s heart breaks when we pray for the speck to be removed from our brother’s eye, blind to what we have in our own eye. I would like to say that grace was given and grace was received but neither heart listened to His message

On the run

2007-09-12T21:26:00.000-07:00

Last night I went for a jog in my neighborhood. I had my ipod blasting in my ears as I was enjoying the first real cool breeze in south Texas in several months. About 2/3’s of the way through I saw it rounding the corner going as slow as it could without being considered parked, playing it’s music louder than my ipod. Yep you guessed I saw the ice cream truck. Push ups, ice cream sandwiches, nutter butter’s all in the back of that truck. Then the real scene happened, a boy no more than 13 began crossing the street. In his arms he carried a baby somewhere between 6-8 months old, no pants, shoes or socks, a bunched up t-shirt that at one time was white and a sagging diaper that would make any plumber jealous. Close on his heals two other kids one about 3 the other about 6 with excitement on their faces not paying any kind of attention to crossing the street. The oldest boy was doing his best to make sure they crossed safely to get to the ice cream truck and I a question went through my head, why was a 13 year old parenting? Who is there for that guy? Here he has all kinds of responsibility running around his ankles but what about him? Who can he be free with, who can he lean on, who can he dream with and be encouraged by, who cares about him? And I kept running.